I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
