I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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