Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
