If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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