theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my being single is dangerous.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
