Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
