whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
