I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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