he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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