I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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