i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
