got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
