I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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