We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
