nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
