Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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