You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
