i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
