Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
