ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
