i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
