no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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