And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize