They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
