Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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