cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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