Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
