It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
