alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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