Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
