Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
