hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
