she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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