Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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