haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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