please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
