Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
