Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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