It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
