he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
