I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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