yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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