I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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