i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
