He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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