He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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