I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
