so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
