Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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