WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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