i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
