I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
