so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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