My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
