so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
