yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
