a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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