I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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