Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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