Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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