Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
