Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize