YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
