A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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