I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
