I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
