I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize