im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
