When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How does one acquire holy water?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
