i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
