We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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