I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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