So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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