wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize