Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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