mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
