i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
