I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
is that a dick in a sweater?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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